I have no idea how I exist as an adult human who consumes food and didn’t know most of these, and yet here I am. No shame about not knowing these.
1. Brussels sprouts are actually little nubs that grow on weird long stalks. They look like that stick with bells on it that Mannheim Steamroller plays for Christmas songs.
2. Pineapples grow out of a short freakish plant on the ground WTF WTF WTF?!?!?!?
3. Cashews are that little brown dingle on the end of a fruity thing.
4. Artichokes are actually the stiff outer petals around a flower. A flower! Who knew?!
5. Pomegranates grow on trees.
6. Asparagus comes straight up out of the damn ground like the hand popping out of the grave at the end of Carrie.
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7. Kiwis grow on vines and are cultivated like grapes. Kiwi vines!
8. Leeks have a beautiful purple flower.
9. Persimmons grow on a big tree.
10. Cocoa beans for chocolate grow inside bright pods on a tree.
11. Celery is a big leafy flowery sprawly thing.
12. Beets are roots (duh) that grow in the ground with little leafy tops.
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13. Saffron is the little orange stamen of a special kind of crocus flower.
14. Bananas grow in clumps on tall plants (technically not trees) around a flower spike.
15. Peanuts grow as gross little dongles off the roots of the plant in the ground.
16. Cloves are dried up little flower buds of the clove tree.
17. Cantaloupes grow on the ground like a pumpkin (did you think they grew in trees? I sort of did. I think if I thought hard I’d know they grew on the ground, but my gut said “trees.” Oh well).
18. Capers are the unopened bud of a pretty flower (note the little green balls).
19. Cranberries grow in low bushy plants like this:
To harvest them, they flood the bogs and do this:
Yeah, yeah, everyone knows how cranberries grow. I just wanted an excuse to use this GIF.
20. Broccoli florets are also little closed flower buds.
21. Black pepper is made from dried peppercorn fruits that grow on a vine.
22. Avocados grow on tall trees (shut up, Californians who are eye-rolling at this one).
23. Chickpeas come in little grean pods (like a pea, doye) in a low little plant.
24. Olives grow on trees with gnarled, fucked up trunks.
25. Blueberries grow on spindly little bushes.
26. Lemons grow on trees like oranges (that was an easy one — everyone knows that, right?).
27. Paprika (the spice) comes from ground-up dried red peppers that are technically the same species of plant as regular bell peppers.
28. And arugula is just a bunch of janky leaves growing out of the dirt. AND NOW YOU KNOW.
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